How to Bring Sex Toys Into Your Relationship: Tips + Toys to Try
Sex toys are one of our favorite ways to bring some spice & excitement into your sex life, both solo and partnered. The options are truly endless nowadays, ranging from the simplest bullet vibrators to the iconic Magic Wand to innovative hands-free, remote toys for couples. You may be comfortable with sex toys and be used to using them for solo pleasure, or you may be brand new! But a big question we always hear remains the same across all levels of experience: how do I introduce sex tosy into my relationship?
There is absolutely still stigma around the use of sex toys, made even worse by the many myths surrounding them. “They’ll desensitize you,” “they’ll replace your partner,” you name it. So we’re here today to first, bust those myths about sex toys, to make sure you know what sex toys actually offer to both your solo & partnered pleasure time. Then, we’re going to give you our best tips for comfortably introducing sex toys into your relationship, and how to communicate your desire to use toys with your partner! Finally, we’ve got a list for you of our favorite couples toys, plus more toys to use during partnered sex.
Ready to finally feel comfortable bringing up the idea of using sex toys with your partner?
Busting Myths About Sex Toys
Before we dive into communication tips & tips for introducing sex toys into your relationship, it’s important to get familiar with the true benefits of sex toys, and to make sure you’re not confused by any of the false statements commonly made about sex toys in today’s society & media.
It’s time to bust the biggest sex toy myths you’ve heard and get to the truth!
Myth: Sex toys can replace people
One of the most common myths we hear about sex toys is that they can replace people in a relationship. That if you use sex toys, they’ll eventually replace your partner, or that if your partner uses sex toys, they’re replacing you. False, false, false!
Sex toys are such a fantastic way to experience the pleasure you deserve, and are increasingly common for people with vulvas who may not have the best experience being pleasured by partners in the past. You may have heard of something called the “orgasm gap,” which simply refers to the massive gap in orgasms experienced by penis-owners versus vulva-owners.
In a study done by the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy back in 2015, only 18.4% of heterosexual women reported that penis-in-vagina intercourse alone was enough for them to orgasm. That’s not even 1 in 5!
And in a study done in 2017, only 65% of heterosexual women said they usually always orgasmed during sexual intercourse, compared to a whopping 95% of heterosexual men.
It's also worth noting that the orgasm gap essentially doesn't exist at all when women have sex with other women.
Clearly, these statistics show a major gap in the pleasurable experience the vulva-owners have compared to penis-owners, and is a large reason why many people with vulvas turn to sex toys to pleasure themselves. Many toys are focused around g-spot and clitoral stimulation, and using sex toys during solo time often makes it much easier for vulva-owners to experience a full, satisfying orgasm! When you can control the sensations you experience and can adjust your toy’s intensity/power/modes as needed, you’re often able to experience a lot more pleasure than during penis-in-vagina intercourse, through which only a minority of women are able to orgasm alone.
All that to say, the myth that sex toys can replace partners isn’t true – but it is true that many people can experience great pleasure while using sex toys, simply because it’s in their control. This shows exactly why it’s important to communicate with your partner about what YOU enjoy, what you like, and what brings you pleasure, and sex toys are a great way to figure that out.
Despite the amount of pleasure that sex toys can bring, they’ll never be able to replace the love and human emotion that partnered sex can bring, if you want it to!
Myth: Sex toys will desensitize you
You may have heard the myth that using sex toys will desensitize you, especially if you’re a person with a vulva who uses a vibrator! It’s important to know that it is extremely unlikely that using vibrators or other types of sex toys will desensitize your body in any way. The clitoris, for example, has around 7,000 nerve endings (the only part of the body whose sole purpose is pleasure!), and that doesn’t change with the use of vibrators.
If anything, frequent use of sex toys may cause you to experience the fullest, most consistent orgasms through that method of stimulation (e.g. clitoral stimulation may be your best route to orgasm if you often use an external vibrator) – which is why it’s fun to bring those same sex toys that you use during solo time, into partnered sex! Show your partner exactly how you like to use the toy, and they’ll have fun knowing they’re pleasuring you in just the way that you like.
Myth: Sex toys are only for single people
The final myth we hear often is that sex toys are only for single people – this is absolutely false, and takes so much potential for fun out of partnered sex! Yes, sex toys are an awesome way to have fun when you’re single & in the mood, without having to find a partner to satisfy your needs. But that doesn’t mean toys are limited to single folks – you can absolutely bring sex toys into partnered sex, and it’ll make that sex all the more fun & enjoyable, in our opinion!
6 Tips for Bringing Sex Toys Into Your Relationship
Now, let’s get into our 6 best tips for bringing sex toys into your relationship in a way that’s healthy, comfortable, and exciting for both you and your sex partner(s).
1. Bring it up outside of the bedroom
First, it’s best to bring up the idea of sex toys outside of the bedroom rather than in the middle of sex, or right after. The time during or immediately after sex is a pretty vulnerable time full of high emotions, so bringing up a potentially sensitive topic could result in an emotional, reactive conversation. We recommend bringing it up outside of the bedroom, such as while you’re having a meal together, so you can approach it in a more level-headed way, away from the strong emotions that can accompany sex.
2. Approach it with curiosity & exploration
If you’d like to bring sex toys into your partnered sex because you haven’t felt fully satisfied with your partner, make sure to approach the topic with curiosity and exploration rather than blame or frustration toward your partner. You’re wanting to bring sex toys into the relationship for more pleasure for the both of you, so it should be an exciting, curious topic you can discuss and explore together!
3. Voice your desires & allow your partner to voice theirs
Be ready to voice your desires, and to allow your partner space to voice theirs. Bringing sex toys into a relationship will go best if you both get the chance to say what you want, and to make your desires heard! This will ensure the toys you try together will be fun for the both of you, and will make your sex a more enjoyable experience all-around.
4. Be ready to try new things (and be okay with them not working)
Especially if you’re new to sex toys, be ready to try new things – and be okay with them not working! You’ll most likely find that you enjoy certain toys and certain types of stimulation more than others, and you can only learn by trying. Find what you like, explore new things, and have fun with it!
5. Look at toys together online or in a store
When you’re shopping for toys, do it together, either online or in a store! It can be a super fun experience looking for toys together and getting excited about all the possibilities.
6. Ask an expert for help
Finally, you can absolutely ask for help from an expert when it comes to picking out sex toys, especially if you’re shopping in an actual store. Picking the wrong toy can lead to an uncomfortable experience, such as buying butt plugs that are too big.
Best Sex Toys for Couples
The world of modern technology is insane at this point in our society, and the technology of sex toys is no different. There are an incredible amount of advanced, super niche toys available for people of all ages, abilities, desires, and body types, and one of our favorite categories of sex toys is couples toys! Couples toys are toys that you can use in tandem with a partner, and can be an incredibly fun way to bring some new spice + excitement into your partnered sex life. Below are three of our favorite couples toys that would be great first toys to try out with your partner!
On the hunt for the perfect strapless dildo to use for vaginal or anal play (or both!) with your partner? Try out the Temptasia Strapless Strap-On Dildo! This dildo offers dual stimulation so that both the giver and the receiver get all those good vibes: literally, you can get those vibes from the attachable bullet vibrator that you can add on to the dildo. It’s got 10 vibration functions, and rests just behind a textured portion of the dildo perfect for grinding on!
If you’re looking for a classic strap-on to use during partnered sex for either you or your partner (or both!), look no further than the Strap On Me Large Vibrating Bendable Strap On! This wearable double strap-on is adjustable at the bulb so you can enjoy the perfect angle for both you and your partner. It’s also got multiple motors in the bulb, the end of the shaft, and the tip, so you can enjoy strong & rumbly vibrations wherever you’d like!
Bike Tube Waist Harness – $59.99
For partners looking to use a great harness during their sexy time, these recycled bike tube harnesses are our all-time favorites. They’re easy to adjust, comfortable, and water-friendly for some shower fun ;) The hip & butt straps are adjustable, and the two-inch diameter O-ring in the front makes it easy to adjust the strength of your pleasure! We love this harness even more because it’s made by a woman-owned, Washington-based company who cares about making pleasure more accessible for everyone.
No need to fumble around trying to hold your vibrator during partnered sex – wear the We-Vibe Chorus, instead! This vibe is hands-free, adjustable, and powerful, making it the perfect toy to use while you have sex with a partner. You won’t have to worry about trying to keep a bulky vibrator on juuust the right spot – let this vibe do the work for you so you can enjoy the moment with your partner, and get ALL the good vibes, too! This one is one the pricier side, so see if your partner is down to save up & split it with you – or it would make a super fun little stocking stuffer ;)
Vedo Niki Wireless Panty Vibe – $74.99
Everyone could use a little excitement in their lives, right? This hands-free vibe will bring an extra level of *surprise* into any part of your day, from getting ready for work in the morning to sitting down at your dinner date with your partner. It’s a hands-free vibe that attaches to your underwear, and can be remote controlled by your partner. If you like giving up control and letting your partner have a little fun with you, this vibrator (with 10 vibrating modes and even 6 intensity levels) is a fantastic option for you. It comes at a lower price-point than the We-Vibe one, too, so it’s a great starter couples vibe if you want to start with a lower investment.
Ohnut Stackable Rings – $65.99
This one’s for the penis-owners out there. Ohnut is a revolutionary wearable that allows for comfortable and adjustable penetration (have you ever heard of such a thing?). By adding these stackable rings to the base of the penis, you’ll get a softer buffer duirng sex and can make sure you’re able to do what feels good for bot you and your partner! It’s a great way to introduce a simple toy into your relationship that doesn’t necessarily provide any extra stimulation, but makes the experience more comfortable & enjoyable for the both of you.
Best Sex Toys to Use During Partnered Sex
Now, let’s get into some toys that aren’t specifically designed for use by couples, but are easy to use during partnered sex. It can be hard to bring your larger toys into partnered sex – as much as we love the iconic Magic Wand vibrator, it’s pretty bulky and hard to use during sex with a partner due to its inflexibility. Plus, it’s just hard to keep it on just the right spot if you and your partner are movin’ around the whole time!
That’s why we’ve compiled some of our favorite smaller, more flexible toys below that are great toys to use during partnered sex. They’re easier to adjust, move around, bend, and are more compact – some are even hands-free! Whether you’re looking for a simple bullet vibe, an extra-cool finger vibrator, or a vibrating penis stroker, we’ve got the toy for you.
Vedo Bam Mini Bullet – $29.99
The perfect, teeny-tiny vibe to use for targeted clitoral stimulation, great for use during partnered sex since it doesn’t take up much space. Don’t let the size of this vibe fool you – it’s all-powerful and will definitely get the job done!
Vedo Yumi Finger Vibe – $49.99
You won’t even have to think about holding this vibe during partnered sex, since it rests between your index & middle fingers for easy use.
Vedo Wini Mini Wand – $59.99
A smaller but just-as-powerful option for those of you who love wand vibrators, but want something smaller to use with your partner!
Dame Eva II Hands-Free Vibe – $135.99
If you want a completely hands-free option, this toy is for you: no straps, non-intrusive, and super comfortable. The wings are flexible for very enjoyable clitoral stimulation during intercourse, and you won’t even have to hold it in place!
Femmefun Dioni Finger Vibrator – $94.99
This finger vibe is one of our favorite unique, innovative toys. It turns your finger into a powerful vibrator, perfect for external or internal stimulation by either you or your partner!
Fun Factory Manta Vibrating Stroker – $139.99
Unleash new possibilities during partnered sex with this vibrating stroker – let it rest around the base during penetration, or even use it to add an unexpected twist during blow jobs.
Doc Johnson Good Head Helper – $10.99
The best little accessory to help you spice up your blow job game!
Best Sex Toys for Beginners
Now that you’ve learned how to introduce sex toys into your relationship, you might need some help when it comes to choosing a new one – whether you’re brand new to toys, or are experienced with a whole collection at home. Check out our recent blog post, Choosing the Right Vibe: The Definitive Guide to Picking a New Toy, for plenty of tips to help you find the right toy for you!